A N I K A
age - 19

Reflecting on the past, I see the distance I've covered,
The days of carefree play, where dirt on clothes didn't bother.
Learning was a joy, unburdened by grading fears,
Eating without weight concerns, acting without judgment near.

Recalling a time when enjoyment surpassed tomorrow's care.

The clock makes a tik-tik sound, indicating how time is slipping from my hands like sand.
I found my 16-year-old self confused about where I should sit or stand.

Enjoy it like those 'cool kids' on social media or act like 'the decent' ones that society stands plea
My thoughts paused on the words once Father told me

'What you'd work on today is what you'll be paid tomorrow,

Today is tomorrow, a thought that won't fade away.

Lost in contemplation, the future veiled and unclear,
Confused, unsure, battling inner fear.

What must I do to shape a decent morrow?
Today's choices mould the future we borrow.

My lost appetite never came back,
Oh! I don't want to gain more weight.
The glow I had was now lost,
Ah! Why do these beauty serums cost a lot?

They want me to be more confident, aware, proactive,
But the inner me wants to be a little more attractive.

Is it me who's vague? Or is it just a part of the growing phrase?

Leaning against the window with the support of my arms, I closed my journal, giving one last glance at the final page I wrote a couple of years ago. My gaze drifted on a single star, whose brightness seemed to dominate among the multitude of other stars in the canvas of pink and blue shade of the sky.

The warmth of the spring breeze washed over my face, and I closed my eyes, thinking about the past three years here. It had been a heck of a rollercoaster.

Success, love, failure, and friendship—each phase had its own lesson. Every situation I faced either made me so happy I couldn't feel any sadness, or so unhappy I cried myself to sleep.

For me, it was a fifty-fifty experience. The beginning was chaotic, and the journey through eleventh grade was even messier. Patel sir's drama only added fuel to the fire of chaos around me.

I'm not sure what happened to him, though. Dad visited the school after that day, but Patel had already backed off. He got fired and disappeared to who knows where. Later, the principal apologized to me and all the others who were supposed to be suspended.

I forgave her, considering Mr. Patel had one of those powerful lawyers — who backed off before the meeting for some unknown reason. So, I guess it was reasonable for her to defend the school's reputation.

On another note, I couldn't get over the drama when Aditya showed up at school with Dad. It still cracks me up when I think about it, especially the looks on their faces when Bhai managed to crack the deleted CCTV footage right in front of everyone. His programming skills are seriously no joke.

A smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I open my journal once more, the pages worn from frequent flipping. There it is, that one page I always find myself returning to, the words resonating with me more each time.

Have you ever stumbled upon someone who caught you off guard? Like, you barely noticed them at first. They were just another face in the crowd. But then, slowly, almost without you realizing it, they crept into your thoughts until suddenly, they were all you could think about.

They became your favourite and all of a sudden, they're the most beautiful person you've ever met. It's funny when you look back on it.

You never saw it coming; it kind of... just happened.

And today when my twelfth grade ended I was supposed to feel happy but then again here's an ignored part of the sadness of leaving everything behind.

Leaving him behind.

Anyway, it's 5 pm right now, and I'm still gawking outside the window like a hopeless romantic lover who just got her heart broken when I have more work to finish off. Like completing my packing and cleaning this room, for example.

I will move out today, and I'm almost done with packing my pieces of stuff except those photo frames and chunks of stationery that are idly lying on my study desk.

While cleaning the room — yes, what can I say? I'm charming and responsible — the music paused and I glanced at my phone seeing the incoming video call. My lips curled up at the caller ID before taping on the green button and setting the phone on the table so I could talk to him while still resuming my work.

"Tusi jaa rahe ho?" Veer's pout on the screen was so exaggerated, instantly making me scoff.

(are you leaving?)

"Mai nhi jaa rhi, tum jaa rahe ho gadhe ki pooch!"
(I am not leaving, you are leaving, you donkey's tail!)

I shot back, shaking my head. How dare he say that when he's the one clearly at the airport right now?

"Ab tumne kuch kaha nhi to Maine hi keh diya! tumhe to chinta hai nhi mere jaise masoom bacche ki. Kaha jaega, kaise rhega itne bade sehar me... wo bhi akele!!" He continued, feigning innocence, but I knew better.

(Well you didn't say anything so I said it myself! You are not worried about an innocent child like me. Where will he go, how will he live in such a big city... that too alone!!)

My concern wasn't about him being alone but he dared to hide the fact that he was leaving for Delhi. And he didn't tell me until I got to know about it through our class teacher! We had a small argument after that and didn't talk to each other for a couple of days until he decided to call me today.

"Anika! Sorry na yaar!" he whinnied.

"I get it, scoring scholarship at Delhi Sports Academy is no joke, but come on, I still deserved to know," I mean, Who would've guessed this donkey would earn first distinction back-to-back in basketball for three times straight?

He is Abhinav Singhania, After all, you never know what's going on in his mind. "Hey! At least I sent you ice cream as an apology!"

"it still doesn't explain it."

He huffed and cut the call.

I sigh, before looking at the screen.

one, two, three...

Veer called again.

"Hello, Anikaaa!" He cheered, his tone deceptively casual, as if we weren't on the verge of ripping each other's hair out if we were face-to-face already.

"Hawww tumhare baalo ko kya hua?" he asked seeing my short hair. In my defence, I was trying to give myself a wolf cut after watching a YouTube video which turned into a disaster.

(what happened to your hair?)

"I got a new haircut," I shrugged and he clicked his tongue, laughing slightly as I glared at him,

"Mujhe bhulna mat." he looked at me while I tried to contain my smile.
(Don't forget me.)

"or bhul gyi toh?"
(what if I did?)

"Mai fir bhi tumhari shadi me bin bulaye aa jaunga." he shrugged casually. Okay, understandable.

(I will still come to your wedding without being invited.)

I was proudly nodding at myself when an announcement was heard from the background of the airport through the screen, telling them to gather up. Veer nodded at me approvingly and we bid goodbye to each other before hanging up.

Turning to the mirror nearby, I caught sight of my reflection. My hazel eyes stared back at me, the brown hue dominating today. Okay, five minutes phone break then I'll complete packing.

I scrolled reels for a while when a couple of notifications popped on my phone's notification bar, making my eyes widen.

Aditya Bhai 🏎️ : I'll be there in 15 minutes.

shit shit shit. I quickly got up and hurried to the desk cursing myself for how this 5 minutes phone break turned into half an hour. I was supposed to be done by now. ugh!

A few minutes later, I stuffed everything in the last bag as I sighed walking to my desk and clearing the junk. Momentarily, my gaze fell on the dinosaur plushie and photo frame kept near each other. It was a picture of me, Advik and Ishaan bhaiya which was clicked at my parent's anniversary party.

I was aware that Advik had left for abroad. We lost contact completely. Neither of us reached out, not me, not him. It's not like I didn't want to, but I held myself back.

A part of me wanted to wait and talk it out but I didn't want to be the one clinging desperately to what might not be meant to be. Some stories, I realized, are meant to be left as fragments. They are either written by destiny and a few are burned by time.

I can't say I loved him, not entirely, but there was a fraction of my heart that almost did. Almost.

Even though, I know he might have hurt me. Yet, there are moments when the weight of uncertainty feels far more agonizing. And I don't hate myself because I forgive him.

Sometimes we have to remember that they're not obligated to like us back just because we like them. As much as we long for them. They are their own people; whether they chose us is a different story or not.

And I realise, we are so distracted by how things ended, that we forget how beautiful the beginning was.

I took a last glance at the photo frame before stuffing it into my tote bag and then there was. . . dino.

Okay, I get it an alligator.

But does it really matter now? I guess not. This little baby has nothing to do with him, So I named him Adrak.

Thoughts, they say, are the shadows of our emotions, so I don't want mine to be empty, and depressing.

Lastly, I picked up my glasses and a car horn was heard followed by a missed call, which I presumed was bhai so I made my way outside.

And there he was waiting for me outside his car. I gave him a quick hug before he took my luggage.

"Let's go?" he said, and I slid into the passenger seat, my eyes catching a couple of papers kept on the dashboard of his car.

"what's this?"

"that's for you, take a look."

I furrowed my brows, taking the paper, calculating the millions of possibilities that Dad might have provided those 'best college for business' articles for me but— wait a damn minute.

I shot a quick glance at Aditya. And looked back at the paper again,

No way. Shut up.

"These are the few best fashion colleges I found on the internet. Form deadline is not close yet so you can apply to whichever one you like."

I blinked, "What?"

He nodded.

"but I don't want to uh..."I began, my words faltering. I'm grateful for the privilege I've been getting because of him but I don't want to be handed something I hadn't earned. I want to be my own person and earn my own name.

"But? You have to work hard to get in there. I can't do anything about it and don't ask me either. Work hard yourself, I don't know anything about fashion things," He casually scoffed.

"And If you're worried about Papa and Ma, then I have already talked to them. It's up to you. I'd still support you if you change your mind." He added while I was still trying to grasp the senses and those kicks of emotions rushing through my body.

"ohh...what...really? REALLLYYY?????"

And a thrill shot through me, and I let out an ecstatic giggle. I jumped up from my seat, nearly knocking it over in my excitement.

"Ani, dance outside my car!" he glared at me, and I straightened up my back, still happy seeing those articles and forms.

My eyes sparkled as I laid eyes on the first page of the article. This was it—the moment of verity. Everything I've experienced, every joy and sorrow, every twist and turn, has all led me here.

They say... you can never get back your youth. You need to let loose and have some fun here and there. So, I'll do everything I can.

I'll do everything that will make my life twinkle.

more characters

Note : If you're confused regarding Anika finishing twelfth grade at 19 so... Anika was 16 when she started 10th grade, turning 17 by the end of it. She was 17 in 11th grade and turned 18 before finishing that year. (as her birthday falls in January) So by the time she was in 12th grade, she was already 18 and turned 19 by the end of her 12th grade, which is where we are in the current point of view.

I hope it makes sense xd