I walked wearily back to my bed, tossing the damp towel casually onto the chair. My body gratefully sank into the welcoming embrace of a haven—my bed.

Unlocking my phone, I let out a deep sigh at the sight of countless ignored notifications that had piled up over the past couple of days.

As I scrolled through the messages, a pang of annoyance struck me. My classmates, though likeable, but sometimes I don't understand them at all, Savi says she is my best friend but never acts like one. Raghav, always striving to be the 'superior' one, didn't mind putting others down to achieve it. The rest? Well, they could test the limits of my patience on their own.

In the midst of it all, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just an outsider, desperately trying to fit into the 'famous' group.

Did they genuinely see me as a friend, or was I merely another face lost in the crowd? In the intricate web of friendships, I wondered if I stood out or if I was just another fleeting presence in their lives.

I could almost hear Jiya's voice in my head, her wisdom advising me that it's better to have one real friend than be lost in a group of clowns. I missed her, and I missed the simplicity of my old group. Back then, there was no hint of rivalry, just genuine friendships that made life brighter. Those were the times I truly missed.

👺 Sasta Ganja Squad 👺

Raghav: No, we will go to Lane Resort, and that's final!!!!

Savi: My dad refused it. It's a bar!! Plan something good, Raghav. We are not 18 or older.

Veer: moye moye

Raghav: srsly????

Veer: Guys, plan fast! my bed is calling me in a very seductive way

Raghav: Then go fuck it.

Veer: And you suck it.

Raghav : mukka marunga tujhe mai
(I will punch you.)

Veer: To kya mai tujhe kissi krunga?
(Do you think I will kiss you?)

Savi: Oh, shut up, you both!! Anika is still offline. Let's ask her before finalising.

Raghav: Jahan sab jaa rhe hai waha wo bhi chalegi, wo kya VIP hai???
(Shouldn't she go where everyone else goes, Is she a VIP?)

Veer: to kya tu VIP hai sale???
(so are you a VIP here?)

Savi : tum dono ya to khud mar jao ya mai tum dono ko maar deti hu
(You two either pass away yourself or I'll kill you both.)

Savi has disabled the chat.
Only admins can send a chat.

I furrowed my brows in response to their conversation and quickly scrolled up, attempting to catch up on whatever I might have missed.

After a few minutes of reading their nonsensical texts, I discovered they were planning some sort of after-party after finals. Frankly, I wasn't up for it.

I wanted to visit my family the very next day after the exam. I realised it had been seven long months since I'd been living alone here, ever since my brother left for his internship. The homesickness hit me hard.

A few more messages scrolled by before I exited the chat, shooting a quick text to my dad about my upcoming exams.

I was about to go to sleep when Suddenly a message popped up again

Adverb: Have you arrived at your hostel?

I find myself fixated on his message, a dazed expression on my face. His texts had become a comforting habit, a steady presence in my daily routine. Since my brother's departure, he has invariably checked in, making sure of my safe arrival at the hostel, my lunch, and if there was anything I needed.

Me: Today is Saturday.

I replied to his text, gently placing my phone on the side table before sinking into the comforting embrace of my bed.

Even though Saturdays and Sundays are off, I usually prefer staying in my room during holidays. Even extroverts need rest, isn't it?

And I must say that I didn't bother Advik at all these months. Asking him for anything beyond school-related matters always feels like an impossible task.

I go shopping myself, do my stuff myself, and cry myself to sleep when it gets too overwhelming, and that's how it's been till now.

Despite our frequent meetings, we did not communicate much; he would offer an ice cream break, and we would argue about chocolate and vanilla, and he would just ask whether I was doing well or comfort me that I did not have to worry about grades and shit.

Marks do not normally bother me, at least not too much; maybe a little, because I have a secret desire to match up to the brilliance of my elder brother.

Sometimes, the absence of his usual message leaves me feeling a bit adrift, realising how much I've come to rely on someone who views me simply as a responsibility, not as someone special, which I don't like. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

It's not merely the connection I crave with him, though perhaps there's a tiny, almost imperceptible liking. Just a bit, I swear.

Yet, there are moments when I ache to be truly seen—not merely as a duty to fulfil but as someone deserving of genuine care, a heart yearning for recognition beyond mere responsibility.

My mind wandered back to the past few months when I brought Advik along to a parent-teacher meeting. To my surprise, it turned into a scene straight out of a teenage drama—half of the girls were nearly drooling over him.

which made me realise how I get overly jealous so easily. And though I'm still not sure if he has a girlfriend or not,

Even if he has not, what would you do? ask him out?  no. I don't have the guts to do that.

Exactly. So you better study and get your dream college.

Dream? College? What do I want to do? Business or fashion design?

Why business? Ma and Dad have always praised Bhai because he will take over Dad's business. I also want to prove my worth, like I'm capable of anything like bhai.

And why fashion? Because I love clothes, I love dressing up, making designs and sketches, and styling as if I'm only THE Bella Hadid.

so?

so what?

Decide yourself. I'm just your inner voice.

"ugggghhhhhhh!!" I groan, sitting up straight on my bed. My eyes shift to my study desk, then wander around my room. I decorated the walls with sketches and designs I made. yet the corner of my study desk was filled with photos of statistics and my journal.

Reaching out, I grabbed the journal, flipping through its pages. My eyes traversed the designs, quotes, and rants I had scrawled over time. Amidst the chaos of thoughts, my attention was caught on a particular bookmarked page.

❝Stick with the original when everyone else is trying to be someone else. You don't have to be extraordinary to be accepted, you know. You can still like basic things and still be unique as your own.❞

I wrote that after the parent-teacher meeting when he dropped me off at the hostel.

"Fuck it, sleep is more important," I murmured to myself and lay down again, covering my head with blankets. I shifted from my place and turned, but sleep was nowhere near me. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Suddenly, my phone buzzed again.

Adverb: Oh yeah! I forgot 🫡

I smiled at his choice of emoji.

Me: lol.

I replied to him with 'lol' because, firstly, I didn't know how to reply to that, and secondly, leaving people on display sounds rude and gives a bad impression. I glanced back again to my phone screen as his reply came in no time

Adverb: Why are you up so late?

I started at his message, and then my gaze fell on the upper corner of the phone screen—00:48, it showed. And how am I supposed to reply to that?

Me: I was studying.

Adverb: Lies

Me: no.

Adverb: Yes.

Me: Okay, you caught me.
I couldn't sleep.

Adverb: Why?

"Because I was watching porn," I said to myself in annoyance, staring at his text. Seriously, I don't have a reply to that. Go talk to your girlfriend.

Me: missing my family.

I stared at the 'read' under my message. Why did he ask in the first place if he had to leave me on seen? He always does that, asking me if I reached the hostel or not. I would reply yes, and then he'd leave me on seen.

Did he sleep?

I turned off my phone, but the light illuminated again, showing me the incoming call from Advik. butterflies danced in my stomach, and I gulped before clicking on the green button and bringing it to my ears.

silence.

Speak.

You're the talkative one here? remember?

oh yes! I remember.

"Hello," I said, a little lower than my usual pitch.

"Were you crying?" he said, and butterfly danced in my stomach, hearing his hoarse voice as if he had just woken up.

Control Anika. He is just. your. temporary. guardian. yes, and nothing else.

"Why would I cry?"

"Well, kids usually cry when they miss their parents, so I thought you might be..."

"For the last time, I'm not a kid. and it's not my fault that you're old." He laughed as if I had cracked the world's funniest joke ever.

Yeah, yeah, I'm so funny, I know.

"Then what would you've done if I wasn't old?" He asked suddenly, and I found myself sealing my lips at his question. Yes, Advik is older than me, almost the same as Aditya's age, which I'm sure is around twenty-two or twenty-three. I should have been more careful before giving him that soft spot in my heart. Crush...? What they call it.

I never planned to, though. But this guy right here makes me feel seen, lovable, and important.

"I would've done nothing." I trailed off, pausing, and then I looked down at my fingers, trying to form some more words. I shouldn't. This mere crush will fade away after a few time. I don't have to make it a big deal. I've had a few crushes before, and they faded with the passage of time. It will, too. Yes.

"Okay, then, sleep early," he said, and I sat up. "huh?" Is he going to end the call now?

"yes? Do you want to say something?" yes.

"Actually, no." Yes. I hesitated.

"you sure? You can tell me if something is bothering you." He said it again.

"Actually... it's," I gulped, think something Anika. 

"yeah! My friends are planning my birthday party." I mentally slapped myself for coming up with such an awful lie. 

"your birthday's coming up?" he asked, and I shook my head slapping my head. it was supposed to be an after-exam party. Though my birthday is next month, January. 

"yes." 

"then what's the matter with that?" 

that I never told my friends about my birthday, so they don't know about any party. I sighed.

"I wanted your permission," one more lie.

"for what?" 

"Can I go to the party?" exam after party. 

"how many people will be there?" he asked and I stayed silent. I don't know.

"my classmates"

"only?" I could feel the suspicious expression in his voice. 

Anika chup hoja, ek jhut ke wajah see 100 jhut bol rhi. chup hoja

"Anika?" His voice cut through, interrupting my thoughts, and my heart did that annoying jump thing it always did. He had this habit of calling me a kid, so hearing my name escape his lips sent a strange tingle through my stomach.

"Yeah, I'm here," I managed to say, and he hummed in response.

"Don't cause any trouble," I hummed in response. I already did.

"Okay then."

"Good night, Adverb." I said and heard the same before he hung up. 

You could've told him that you wanted to talk more.

shut up I'm not a creep. moreover, he has a life and responsibilities, unlike me

But aren't you his responsibility too?